No Panties, No Briefs, No Problem
by moviefan-92
Summary: Post-anime. Brief has concerns regarding his relationship with Panty, and the two of them talk... sort of. Bad summary. Be warned, lots of language and adult situations. COMPLETE


**(A/N: IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ! Warning, people, this is an 'M' rated story. I'm sure you know what that mean, but I want to make sure you know what it really _means_ in this case. For those of you that are my fans, if you don't know about this series, then I must warn you, it is a very crude comedy series that's full of language and sexual innuendo. Think **_**Invader Zim**_ **crossed with the** _ **Powerpuff Girls**_ **while being cruder than** _ **South Park.**_ **It really holds nothing back, and so neither will I. Read at your own risk, and don't say I didn't warn you. For those of you that do know what the series is about, well, you know what you're getting into. And just to be clear, the things these characters say and do are not my own opinion; I'm merely keeping them in character. Also, I'm not entirely happy with the story title, so I may change it.)**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **" NO PANTIES, NO BRIEFS, NO PROBLEM** **"**

"Yes! Yes! Oh, God, yes! Oh, FUUUUUUUUUCK!"

The cries of ecstasy echoed through the house, not caring who might hear. And everyone could. The afro-haired preacher simply prayed for patience as the family "dog" just kept sleeping as if nothing was happening.

The Goth girl simply rolled her eyes as she shoveled more cake into her mouth, having long since gotten used to the sex sounds coming from her whore of a sister's room. Although with her latest, and longest, ongoing partner, her _sessions_ happened a lot more often and lasted a lot longer. Not to mention her sister had become much louder and more vocal. She would have to talk to Garterbelt about getting that room soundproof.

"For the love of God," the girl known as Stocking muttered, "you'd think she'd grow bored of it by now. They've gone through practically every version of the kama sutra like 10 times already." Although she supposed she didn't have much room to talk since she was a total glutton that never got tired of eating sweets.

Still, considering that the older of the two angel sisters was a raging slut and a major sex addict that was constantly horny, Stocking had to admit that she was impressed with the guy that had managed to keep her sister satisfied enough to not want to play _eenie, meenie, miney, moe_ with the men of this godforsaken city.

"Still," she said, "you gotta give the guy credit where it's due. Who knew the nerd had it in him."

Within the bedroom where the orgasmic cries emitted, the blonde angel fell back against the sheets beside her lover, panting in sweet bliss. The boy in question was equally as wiped, and he pushed his sweaty red locks away from his beautiful eyes. The literal angel beside him smiled as she looked at his handsome face. She still couldn't believe that he had hid that gorgeous face of his behind his bangs all this time.

"Damn, geek boy," she panted, "I think I came harder that time than ever before."

He glanced at her. "Come on, Panty, can't you call me Brief?"

She punched his arm. "Ah, don't get all sentimental all me."

"It's just weird that you _still_ call me 'geek boy', even though we're…" He trailed off, a blush staining his cheeks.

She sat up, resting her cheek on her bent knees. "I could go back to calling you flaccid, or cherry boy, or foreskin."

He looked aghast. "But I'm circumcised. And I'm not a virgin."

She cut her eyes at him. "No shit, dumbass. I was there, just as I have been every time."

He blushed again, remembering what they had done, _all_ the things they'd done.

"So," she said, reaching beneath the covers to grab hold of him, "you ready for round eight?"

Brief's eyes practically popped out of his head as she gave him a squeeze. "P-P-P-P-Pant-t-t-t-ty…" he stuttered like he always did when he was nervous or embarrassed.

She smirked. "I still can't believe you had _this_ hidden under there. I know the type of gun your underwear turned into when I used them as a weapon is an indication, but holy shit, geek boy."

He sweat-dropped. "Yeah, but even after seven rounds, it'll still take me some time to, um, _reload_."

A mischievous glint appeared in the angel's eye as she reached for the phone beside her bed. "That's fine, I'll just call horny teenager to come take care of me while you recover."

A heartbroken look crossed his face. "B-B-But P-P-P-P…"

She put down the phone. "Ah, I'm just fuckin' with ya." Ironically, at that moment, her phone rang. "Hello?"

" _Are you done yet, ya damn whore?"_ came the angry voice of Garterbelt. _"I can't concentrate with you wailing like a bitch in heat all the time!"_

Panty's eyes were wide as the volume of Garterbelt's voice blew her hair back through the phone, but she recovered quickly. "Hey, fuck off, jizz rag! I get enough of your shit without you calling to give me more!"

" _You are an angel, God damn it, yet you act like a sex starved succubus! It's no wonder Heaven demanded you collect all those Heaven Coins all over again before they'll let you back in! You'll never get your cheap ass home if you're always shaking it at your boy toy!"_

"Fuck you, douche bag! Hunting ghosts is stressful! I need to get my kicks if I want to have a clear head in battle!"

" _Your bitch ass hasn't fought a ghost in over a damn week, and you and your sister haven't done shit during that time either!"_

"That's not true, I've been busy getting plowed! Now fuck off and let me get back to it!" She hung up. "What fucking dick. You don't see me bitching about his habits."

Brief sweat-dropped again. "He does have a point though. We haven't done anything for the past two days but eat, sleep, and…"

Panty groaned as she laid back and placed her hands behind her head. "As if I give a shit. I can spend my free time however the hell I want. And if I want to spend it fucking my boyfriend, I sure as hell am gonna."

Brief's heart soared at the word 'boyfriend'. Panty had a very carefree 'I don't give a damn' attitude about everything, and was never interested in labels and such. So to hear her refer to him as her boyfriend felt really good. It had been a hard journey, but he was slowly making progress with her. Already he'd gone from stranger, to acquaintance, to partner, to lover, and now boyfriend. Eventually, he would get to fiancé, and then husband, and then father of her children, and then-

"Hey," she asked, interrupting his thoughts, "what's with that shit-eating grin on your face?"

"Oh, no reason!" he said a little too loudly, unable to stop smiling.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Let me know when you're ready to go again."

It may have sounded cold, but that was how she showed affection. His Panty wasn't the type to say nice or sappy things. Truth be told, she was a self-acknowledged rude, self-centered, bona-fide bitch, and she'd never say anything mushy like "I love you", even if he said it to her. He never even heard her say it to her sister, not even once.

But the fact that she was with him, that she was _still_ with him, spoke more volume than any words she could say. She'd had 999 lovers before him, her goal to reach 1,000, but none after. He knew that for certain. Whenever she was in the mood, and she was a _lot_ , she would simply find him and drag him off, no matter where they were or what they were doing, even if they were in public.

It did make him wonder though. Before they did it for the first time, she wasn't the type of person to stay with one lover. And once they departed, that was it. But with him, she always came back for more. Nothing about her had changed, including her lack of loyalty. Panty was the type of person who did whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, and she didn't care who she hurt in the process.

In short, if she wanted to cheat on him, she would, and she wouldn't be discrete about it either. But he loved her enough that he could forgive a one-time affair… or two… or three… or ten… or all.

She glanced at him again. "Now what's up? You got a look on your face like I didn't let you cum or something."

He blushed again. She may be an angel, but she had the mouth of a sailor.

"Well, speak up," she demanded.

"W-W-W-Well, I was just wondering why you're with me."

"Huh?"

"I m-m-m-m-mean, before we got together, I know you liked to have, um, a variety. I g-g-g-guess I was just wondering why you don't do that anymore."

She stared at him for a moment before she burst out laughing. Brief frowned at that. He was glad she thought it was so amusing, but he didn't think it was very funny.

"Geek boy, what the hell are you talking about?" she asked, slapping him on the back. And with her angel super strength, it really hurt. "Seriously, you're such a dumbass."

She flopped back against the pillows again, placing her hands behind her head. "I don't need any other guys. I've already got one with a big enough dick that can give it to me long, hard, and frequently. The pick of the litter and all that shit. Not to mention when you move your hair out of your eyes so I can see your face, you're fucking hot as hell. Seriously, it like becomes Six Flags Hurricane Harbor in my pants. Why would I trade any of that for another less adequate guy?" She smirked. "Now, if you'd be interested in a threesome, or even a gangbang, I could certainly get behind that."

He sweat-dropped. "A g-g-g-g-gang-b-b-b-b-bang?"

"Ah, quit your bitching. You're special. In the words of my esteemed sister, I'd totally have your abortion."

His mouth dropped open. An angel was willing to get an abortion? That was… unexpected. He thought angels would be opposed to such things. But then again, both Panty and Stocking were kicked out of Heaven for bad behavior, so it wasn't that shocking. Still, it was really disappointing. But they were young; he could talk her into children later.

She rolled on top of him. "So quit freaking out. I'm perfectly satisfied with you. Just be sure to keep me satisfied."

He gulped as she sat astride him. "I'll do my b-b-b-best."

"Good," she said with a grin as she lifted up and slid down onto him. "Now pound my pussy, geek boy."

As her cries once again echoed through the house, Stocking sighed in aggravation. "Good God, again?" She turned a page in the dessert catalogue she was reading. "Even I'm starting to get envious."

 **THE END**

 **(A/N: Short but sweet. Well, maybe not sweet. I did warn that it was crude, but I apologize if I traumatized anyone. If you watched the series, I know this story dismisses the** _ **To Be Continued**_ **cliffhanger epilogue, but since the second Season doesn't seem to be coming out any time soon, I had to ignore it for the sake of this story. I really wanted to examine Panty and Brief's relationship after the final episode and see where it may have gone. I doubt I'll be writing another one of these since it's just not my writing style, but I wanted to give a shot. In any case, I hope you got a laugh out of it, or were sufficiently repulsed because, quite frankly, that is the point of the show.)**


End file.
